Has Snape gone mad?
by SnapesMistress2002
Summary: Professor Severus Snape...wether he's starting food fights singing Big Pink Elephant songs or driving Hermione, Harry and Ron mad with his insanity, this year at Hogwarts will be one no one will forget.
1. 1

After the sorting ceremony had ended, Professor McGonnagal took her seat next to Dumbledore and leaned over to him.

"Where is Severus?" Dumbledore waved one hand in front of him and the tables filled with food and the sounds of excited first years talking about what they thought the year held for them. 

"I have no idea Minerva, usually Snape is one of the first ones to be here." Minerva sighed and started collecting food on her plate.

Harry, Ron and Hermione were laughing, enjoying the company of the first years and laughing when the first years jumped when the ghosts decided to make their appearance. 

"Hello Sir Nicholas." Harry smiled.

"Good evening Harry Potter, did you have a nice summer? Ready for Quidditch to start again?"

"You bet!" Harry grabbed a chicken leg in front of him and began chewing. Ron leaned over the table and Harry and Hermione followed lead.

"Guess what I heard at Diagon Alley a few weeks ago?"

"What?" Hermione flipped some hair onto her back.

"I heard that Snape took a vacation to America."

"Oh my God, do you imagine Snape even knows how to relax?" Harry and Ron laughed at Hermione's question.

"I could just see him, threatening everyone who says hi to him, that he'd turn them into a toad." Harry added.

"That reminds me." Neville said, who was seated next to Harry.

"What's that?"

"I don't know where Trevor is."

"Oh Neville." Hermione sighed. Harry looked at the teacher's table.

"Hey guy's? Speaking of….where is Snape?" Hermione and Ron looked at the table and shrugged.

"Maybe he apparated himself to pieces when he tried to leave the states." Ron said with a mouth full of potatoes. At that moment, they heard a voice scream outside the closed doors that led into the Great Hall.

"Whoopsy Daisies!….Ouch!" There was a loud thud and everyone crained their necks to see what made that noise. The doors flew open and in waltzed a smiling Professor Snape. The whole hall fell silent. Snape started laughing.

"Snape fell down…went BOOM!" He exclaimed as he took his seat at the teacher's table. He looked over to Minerva.

"How you doin?" He winked. Minerva blushed and Dumbledore stifled a giggle as he turned towards the potion professor.

"Nice to see you made it, Severus."

"Hey, word up!" Snape answered, everyone in the hall burst out in laughter. Hermione, Ron and Harry were almost rolling out of their seats they were laughing so hard.

"What happened to Snape?" Ron tried to talk. Harry and Hermione just shrugged their shoulders because if they were to even try to talk, laughter would escape them. 

**********************************

Everyone had side aches from laughing so hard when dinner was over. When the Gryffindor's got to their common room, everyone kind of fell down from pain. After a while, everyone started filtering out to their rooms. The only people left in the common room were Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville and a few newcomers. 

"So you're saying Professor Snape was never like that?" One kid asked.

"No, never. He was the darkest teacher here." Hermione said, lying across the sofa chair she was sitting on, facing the fireplace. 

"I'm Kenny." The kid finally said.

"Hi Kenny, I'm Hermione, this is Harry and that's Ron." Harry and Ron had started playing Wizards Chess and were too involved in their game to notice anyone was talking around them. Kenny smiled and stretched.

"Well I'm getting tired, I think I'm going to go to sleep." Kenny stood up and left the room, followed by the other first years.

"What do you guy's think happened to Snape?" Hermione asked Ron and Harry.   
"Knight to E-5, I don't know Hermione, maybe he met a witch there that put a happy-go-lucky spell on him." Ron answered, pausing for a moment to look up at her. Harry let out a giggle before he put his move in, Hermione just smiled. She wondered what potions would be like tomorrow with the new Snape.

**********************************

The next day, everyone sat in the dungeon class room, chatting away. Hermione noted to Harry and Ron that Snape hadn't showed up yet, maybe he was back to normal. Then the doors burst open, in walked Snape. He was walking with a heavy limp and started rapping.

"What? My name is. Who? My name is. What? My name is Professor Snape! Hey class! How are you all doing?" The class was silent.

"Oooh, are we playing the silent game? Can I play too?" The class smiled nervously. 

"Oh, I get it. O.k, well, why don't we try something new and let's go around the classroom and tell each other how our summer was? Harry, you can start." Snape smiled at Harry, he sat there, dumbfounded.

"Um….well…I spent most if it over at Ron's, just hanging out, I guess."

"That's cool. Sounds like you had fun. Hermione? How was your summer?" 

That had to be the first time the class actually kept quiet throughout the whole hour. The class ended and the students hurried out into the hall, while Snape stood behind the crowd, wishing everyone goodbye.

"Can you believe the homework assignment he gave us?" Hermione exclaimed.

"Only you would complain." Ron said, smiling.

"Shut up Ron, this is serious, if all of our assignments are going to be like this, we aren't going to get anywhere!"

"I don't think we really care, I mean, come on, who wouldn't want to do a essay on our favorite animal in the zoo and why it's our favorite animal over writing a essay over the twenty uses for bezels?" Harry said, Hermione just rolled her eyes. They were surprised when they heard a cough behind them and turned around to see the potions master behind them. He reached out and grabbed Hermione's nose.

"Got your nose!" He yelled. Everyone in the hallway stopped to look, Hermione looked to the ground, took Snape's arm and pulled him out of the hall into a corner. Harry and Ron followed.

"Snape! What has gotten into you? Have you gone insane or something?" Ron touched Hermione's arm.

"What are you doing?"

"Don't touch me, Ron." He quickly removed his hand and stepped back where Harry was.

"Well, Hermione, I'm glad you asked. While I was on my trip, I realized that I am a poor tortured soul and I needed to fix that."

"You got scary, that's what happened!" 

"I did?" Hermione nodded. Snape put his head down and sniffed.

"Snape, what's wrong?"

"N-nothing." Hermione looked at Harry and Ron and mouthed 'Is he crying?' Snape pulled away and went walking down the hallway, head bowed.

*************************************

Throughout the day they didn't see much of Snape, and when they did, Snape avoided them as much as he could.

"Oh, great going Hermione, look what you did to him now?" Harry mumbled as they walked to the library. 

"I just told him the truth, that's all." Hermione stared at the back of him as he walked in front of them.

When dinner came, they didn't see Snape at the dinner table and he didn't even show up late like he did the night before. 

"I hope he's o.k." Hermione said, picking at her food.

"What do you care?" Harry said, shoveling his food into his mouth and refilling his plate with the cherry pie that sat in front of him.

"Oh come on Harry, I don't want to be the one liable for Snape's depression."

"Wasn't he depressed before?" Ron asked.

"Well, at least he took the care of mocking and making fun of us whenever he could." A few minuets of silence passed through the three. Hermione stood up.

"Where do you think you're going?" Harry asked.

"I'm going to find Snape." She didn't let the two boy's get any word in before she left the dinning hall and made her way down to the dungeons.

She got to Snape's office and knocked. She heard a quiet 'leave me alone.'

"Snape? Please let me talk to you."

"Go away."

"Don't make me come in." The door opened a few inches, Hermione pushed the door and poked her head inside of the room, half of it was painted yellow, the other half was still shades of gray and black.

"What have you done to your office?" Hermione asked, continuing to enter. Snape had his head on his desk.

"What's wrong, Professor Snape?" He hesitated before putting his head up, he looked at Hermione and took in a breath.

"You know, Hermione, I have feelings too."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." Snape studied Hermione closely. 

"You…you didn't?" Hermione laughed. She felt nervous around Snape, she wasn't used to the nice side, she expected him to take points away from Gryffindor in a snap if she opened her mouth, but she couldn't help but speak.

"No, I didn't." Snape smiled real big, stood up and jumped over his desk.

"Whoa, that is nice to know." He held his arms out. Hermione looked at him weird.

"Hugs are free." He said, taking a step forward.

"Oh, no, I couldn't-" It was too late, Professor Snape had ran up to her and embraced her in the biggest bear hug she had ever felt in her life.

"You're the greatest, Hermione!" He said, finishing the bear hug.

"Sure….um…one thing." Snape pulled away, allowing Hermione to take a step backwards and straightening out her clothes.

"What's that? Anything for Hermione."

"Could you not call me Hermione?" Snape nodded sadly, he looked like he was about to cry again.

"Oh, no, what I meant is call me Granger, or something that's not my name…it just doesn't seem right to have you call me by my first name." Snape brightened up.

"Of course." Hermione smiled, he smiled back. She turned to leave the room. Just as she was about to close the door, Snape called her.

"Yes, Professor?"

"Have a good night Her--Ms. Granger." Hermione nodded and continued walking back to the Gryffindor area.


	2. 2

A few weeks past, almost every minuet, for Hermione at least, was spent in the library, trying to recover a spell that would work on bringing back Professor Snape's old self. Harry and Ron laughed at this, they didn't know why she wanted the old meanie to return. Some of the Slytherin's even tried to help Hermione; they didn't like the idea of the dungeon being painted pastel colors, and hated the idea about Snape singing Jimmy Buffett's, Margaritaville on the top of his lungs. Not to mention, Snape kept giving points to Gryffindor instead of taking them away. Harry and Ron were walking with Hagrid, trying to explain that Hermione was taking it too far with the research when they heard the all too cheerful voice behind them.

"Oh, hey boy's! Hagrid! Nice to see you old buddy! Have you lost weight?" Hagrid mumbled something under his breath and turned around.

"Ah, Severus! Nice to see ya out an' about!" Snape smiled.

"Oh yes, it's too beautiful of a day to miss out on." Hagrid nodded. He looked down at Harry and Ron and rolled his eyes before looking back at Snape. 

"Well, seems like the trip in America served you well. I hear some rumors goin' around of you and Minerva---"  
"I did not have sexual relations with that women!" Snape cut in. Harry and Ron tried to keep their mouths from dropping open.

"Um, Harry, let's go find Hermione." Ron said, but Harry was already gone, Ron had to run to catch up. Hagrid turned back to Snape and just smiled.

"So…tell me more about your trip." Hagrid sat down on a bench, Snape joined him.

"It was amazing, I saw all these dolphins and everything!"

"Really?" Hagrid tried to sound amazed. 

"Oh yes. SAVE THE WHALES!" Snape yelled, Hagrid scooted closer to his hut.

"Is that so?"

"I wrote a song while I was there."

"Oh, you did?"

"Yes, it's called Big Pink Elephant…you want to hear it?" Hagrid jumped when he heard this.

"Um…oh, is that my tea I hear? Maybe later Severus, I think I'm going to burn my tea." Hagrid ran inside his hut, leaving Snape outside, smiling. Snape decided to leave after a while when Hagrid didn't come back outside. At that moment, he was knocked to the side, making him trip into the lake that sat next to the school. He looked up and saw a few students he didn't recognize watching him. Snape thrashed around, trying to get out of the lake, but the water and his long robes didn't match.

"Help! Help! I'm a fish!" He screamed as he tried to stand up. He stopped squirming a little bit and removed his outer cloak before standing up. A quizzical expression came across his face and he turned to the nearest student.

"Um…Do you think I'd get thrown out of Hogwarts for streaking around the school?" The student just stood there, starring at the professor, backing away slowly before turning around and walking a little faster. Snape shrugged and looked at students that walked passed him.

"Watch out…it's kind of slippery." He tried to giggle before running off to change his clothes.

***********************************

"Any luck?" Ron asked Hermione as they walked down the halls.

"Nope, none at all. They're expecting a few books I put on order, maybe those will tell me something." Hermione looked straight ahead of her and saw Snape walking down the hallway, waving at them.

"Oh great, here he comes." Hermione said before she smiled and waved back. Harry and Ron just looked at each other and shook their heads.

"Hey G! How are you doing?" Hermione shuddered at that name. Ever since she told him to call her by her last name, he found out it was much easier calling her G instead of Granger.

"Not bad. How are you?"

"Seriously?" Snape leaned into Hermione, she nodded, taking a step backwards.

"Yes, seriously."

"Well, I'm afraid to fart because I might shit my pants, but other than that, I'm not doing too bad." The three kids tried to force a smile. They had no where to walk, Snape had cornered them. A small meow was heard and they looked down. Ms. Norris was sitting there, looking up at the four people and and Snape bent over and petted it.

"Severus." A frail voice sounded from behind him. Mr. Filch walked up to them and nodded.

"Oh Mr. Filch, I never noticed how cute your cat is! Who's a cutie? Are you a cutie? Yes you are! You are so cute!" Filch rolled his eyes.

"Come Ms. Norris, we have things to get done." Snape gave the cat one last pet before waving good bye to Filch's back. 

"Hey! Guess what I saw today?" Harry, Ron and Hermione shrugged, wanting to get away from the professor.

"What did you see today?" Harry said.

"I was taking a walk outside and I saw a squirrel, he was eating a nut. He was doing this." Snape put his hands up to his mouth, bared his top teeth and did the best impression he could of a squirrel eating a nut.

"That's nice." Hermione said, finally managing to squeak by Snape, pulling Ron and Hermione with him.

"He was so cute!" Snape said, turning around to face them every inch they moved.

"Well, we better be going now, we have a test to study for." The other two kids nodded with Hermione's excuse.

"Well then, don't study too hard!" The kids took off running.

"Where are we going?" Ron asked when they went the opposite direction of their rooms.

"Dumbledore. I don't think he knows how critical this is getting. We can't even have a normal conversation with him." They ran to his door and gave it a knock. They knew this sometimes worked because Dumbledore sometimes heard it. 

"Do you remember the password?" Hermione turned to Harry.

"No, we haven't needed it yet this year." Hermione thought for a second then turned to the door.

"Lemon drops." Hermione said aloud, and surprisingly the door opened. The three kids laughed, knowing how much their headmaster loved Lemon drops. They got to the top door and knocked on that one. A polite 'come in' was heard from the other room and they entered.

"Good afternoon, Harry, Ron, Hermione. What can I do for you?" Dumbledore threw an arm out at the chairs behind them, offering them a seat. They sat.

"Well, I'm sure you've noticed about Professor Snape." Hermione stated. Dumbledore nodded.

"Yes, I have noticed a slight change."

"Slight?" Hermione's voice made the rest of them jump, she lowered her eyes.

"It's more than a slight problem." Hermione corrected herself. Dumbledore looked at her and clasped his hands together.

"How so?"

"Let's just say he cornered us today and said he saw a squirrel eating a nut and looked like this." Ron tried to do his best impression of Snape. Dumbledore chuckled.

"That is a bit odd, I'm afraid. Hermione, I understand you have been trying to look up cures?" Hermione nodded.

"Has there been any luck?"

"No sir." Dumbledore nodded.

"As far as I am concerned, I don't know any reversal magic spell that would cure this. It might be a temporary spell, but it wouldn't last for more than a few hours at the most. Has he really been that big of a bother?"

"You have no idea." Hermione rolled her eyes, Harry started laughing. Dumbledore smiled.

"I have no idea where he could have picked it up. Although, I have heard that some Americans are weird, he could have picked it up from hanging around them for too long. I have tried to talk with him, but he doesn't say much that makes sense, always changing the subject. He keeps talking about his song he made up, I think it's called Big Pink Elephant? It's actually a catchy tune if you ask me." Dumbledore sat back in his chair, waved his hands around like he was conducting and started humming the song. Hermione, Ron and Harry tried to sit as patiently as they could until he was finished. 

"Do you have any more suggestions?" Hermione begged.

"No, sadly I do not. However, you three have always found a way to get around things, what would you say to leaving it up to you guy's to find the cure?" Hermione barely had a chance to open her mouth before Dumbledore announced the deal finished. They thanked Dumbledore and walked out of his office.


	3. 3

Snape sat at the dinner table, watching all the kids below him, eating and talking, they looked pretty bored to him. He looked to his left and saw the teachers were eating in peace, Professor McGonnagal was talking like she always did. He picked up his spoon and got a spoonful of some weird blue substance and studied it. He wondered what it was made out of, he wasn't about to try it, so he turned the spoon towards McGonnagal and flicked it at her. It landed straight on her eye.

"Oops, my bad." Snape smiled. Minerva looked at him, shocked at what he just did.

"Severus Snape! Why did you--" Snape cut her off.

"Cause it seemed appropriate." The whole hall seemed to go quiet in a wave. They had spotted what Snape had just did, and everyone was shocked. Snape settled back in his chair and smiled. He grabbed another spoonful of the blue stuff and flicked it out to the kids before standing up and screaming.

"FOOD FIGHT!!!" 

The walls and floor soon filled with food as the kids threw their dinner all over the place, Draco stood up on the table and grabbed the nearest bowl filled with the blue substance and started shooting at everyone that dare touch him with food. Harry, Hermione and Ron hid under the table, popping out only if something hit them. Dumbledore took the time to enjoy the out-of order actions and threw a few globs of food himself, laughing when he got bombarded by the teachers at the table. Minerva just sat there, watching everything that was going on, picking food scraps out of her hair and shaking her head to move food off her hat brim. Snape took a plate of blueberry pie and walked behind Minerva.

"Minerva?" Snape said, making her turn around.

"What is it Snape?"

"Am I a bitch?" Minerva spotted the pie in his hands and started shaking her head.

"No, Severus…Don't you even think about it." Snape brought it up and smashed it into her face, the whole hall broke out into laughter as Minerva got up and marched out of the room.

"Yes you are!" She screamed before she left.

*****************************

Snape flew into his potions class. He had a confused look on his face.

"Class, I have a question." He walked to the front of a class and sat on his stool before bringing a hand up to his chin. He looked the class over and took a deep breath, hesitating before he spoke again.

"If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?" The class broke out into a soft giggle, after realizing the answer. Snape shrugged, he couldn't find out the answer. He set the class to work on a potion of their choice that they had already learned, and sat down in his chair. He watched the class for about ten minuets then got up and walked over to the cauldron where Harry and Hermione were at. He kneeled down by Hermione.

"I was thinking of painting the dungeon." He told her, Hermione turned towards Snape, almost knocking the vial of toad juice she was holding into the cauldron.

"Oh no…were you thinking of repainting it black?"

"No." Snape shook his head.

"Pink, actually." Hermione put her head on Harry's shoulder. Snape looked at Harry.

"What's her problem?"

"Um…I don't think that the old Snape would approve of it at all."

"He wouldn't?" 

"No." Hermione shot up quickly.

"Oh my good Merlin! Harry! Why didn't I see it before! I think I know what happened to him!" Hermione grabbed her bag and raced out of the room. Snape watched her.

"Shake what your mama gave you!" He screamed after her. Hermione paused and took a few steps backward to look at Snape, he stood there, smiling. He waved at her, she just shook her head and continued running. Snape turned back to Harry, who was looking at Ron in amazement. 

"Where do you think she went?" Snape asked. Harry and Ron both stood up, grabbed their bags and yelled 'library!' as they headed out the dungeon doors. Snape looked confused, but quickly dismissed that as he finished walking around the classroom cracking more jokes.


	4. 4

Harry and Ron quickly found Hermione sitting at one of the long tables in the library.

"What have you noticed?" Ron asked, sitting across from Hermione.

"It just hit me! I don't know how it hit me, it just did." Hermione swung the book she was looking at, around to face Ron and Harry.

"Demons?" Harry read allowed. 

"Yes."

"I don't get it." Ron said, scrunching up his nose. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"The only ways to change personalities so quickly like that is to have a curse put on you or a demon to enter your body." Harry and Ron nodded. Hermione pulled the book back around to her side.

"Then I remembered hearing something, too, that related Snape having a relative that died in America, second cousin or something."

"Yes, people do die." Ron nodded his head and Hermione starred at him.

"He had to be by a cemetery, right? Demons linger around those spots, so one of them could have just accidentally entered into him and is refusing to come out!"

"The Exorcist." Harry mumbled.

"What?" Ron turned toward Harry, confused.

"Oh, nothing really…it's just a movie that Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia had rented one night. I didn't see all of it, though. Pretty weird." Hermione and Ron just starred at him and nodded. Hermione went back to reading the book, pointing out interesting facts every once in a while as Harry and Ron nodded, trying their hardest to keep awake.

*********************************

Hermione was alone in the library. It was late at night and Harry and Ron had given up a few hours ago to go play Wizards Chess. She usually loved being alone in the library, it was her sanctuary and usually felt really safe. Tonight on the other hand, she felt like something was wrong. She felt someone watching her, but every time she looked around, no one was there. She jumped out of her seat when she heard something fall down one of the rows of books. She grasped her wand and held it out in front of her.

"Who's there?" Her voice was a little shaky, but she tried not to let it show. No one answered.

"Hello?" She slowly walked down one row of books, looking behind her every so often. When she got to the end of the row, she walked backwards to where she was sitting, until she bumped into something. A hand was quickly placed over her mouth before she had the chance to scream.

"What are you doing out past hours…" He turned her around and Hermione was shocked to see Snape.

"Without some toilet paper?" Hermione got a confused look on her face.

"Toilet paper?" Snape grabbed Hermione's hand and ran with her out the doors of the library. 

"SSssshhhhhh." Snape warned Hermione every time she started to giggle.

"What are we doing?" She asked, her voice bouncing from running so fast. They stopped when they got to the Whooping Willow, a few feet from bugging the tree. Snape turned to Hermione and handed her three rolls of toilet paper.

"Now will you tell me what we are doing?"

"Watch." Snape said as he unrolled one of his rolls and threw it over the tree. All of a sudden, the tree started thrashing wildly.

"Whoa!" Hermione screamed. 

"Your turn!" Snape said, watching Hermione as she slowly unraveled her roll and hesitated before finally throwing the roll, making the tree thrash even harder. As soon as they finished off their rolls, they quickly ran to another part of the school Hermione never knew was there. Hermione looked at Snape, she had never seen this side of him, even when he came in the dinning room on the first day of this year. He lied down on the ground and looked up at the stars. Hermione stood over him.

"Can I ask you a question?" Snape looked at Hermione.

"Of course Ms. Granger."

"What happened on your trip?" Snape sat up and patted the ground next to her. She sat down and waited for him to talk.

"I fell down." He finally answered. Hermione thought for a minuet and shook her head, finally getting what he meant.

"Snape, be serious. Can you please tell me what happened when you--" He put a hand over her mouth and brought a finger up to his, shushing her. There were voices coming from the whooping willow and some were headed over their way. 

"Follow me." Snape whispered. It sent shivers up her spine, she didn't expect him to lean into her ear and whisper like that. She got up and followed Snape back inside the castle and down to his dungeons.

"Did I ever tell you how pretty your eyes are?" Snape watched Hermione sit down in one of his chairs. She didn't answer right away, but blushed bright red.

"N-No." She wasn't sure on what to say.

"No? That's sad. Was I really that mean?" Hermione nodded. Looking at her watch, she gasped and stood up fast.

"I have to get back to my room, breakfast is in four hours." Snape stood up and walked her to the door. Hermione turned towards Snape before she left the room. He looked at her, she could have sworn she saw a shimmer, but she wouldn't say so. Something compelled her to do something she would have never thought she'd do before in her life. She stood on tip-toe, as Snape was a little bit taller than she, and kissed him, softly. She blushed, yet again and ran down the hall, ignoring Mrs. Norris that had been position outside Snape's doors.


	5. 5

"Hermione?" She was startled out of her thoughts by a gentle voice.

"Huh? What?" Hermione stared into the headmasters face.

"I'm sorry, I got sidetracked." Dumbledore nodded. He watched Harry and Ron squirm in their seats as they looked at Hermione. She had acted a bit different today, but he couldn't quite put a finger on it. He dismissed his thoughts and cleared his throat.

"I have decided to send you three and Professor Snape to America so you can do further research on how to get him back."

"America? What about our classes?" Harry asked, Hermione looked at him.

"Classes? You are worrying about missing classes?" Hermione smiled. Harry didn't look at her, but kept his glance at Dumbeldoore.

"I've talked with all your professors. There's no need to worry. I have become concerned with this ordeal and decided that if you go to the source, you may find the answer. If there are no further questions, you are dismissed."

"When shall we leave?" Hermione asked. 

"This weekend."

"Are we bringing Professor Snape with us?" Dumbledore nodded. Everyone stood up and Dumbledore followed them to the door and watched them make there way out of his office.

"Go to America? He expects us to actually go to America during the school year to do research?"

"Honestly Ron. Do you want the old Snape back or not?" Harry asked as soon as they got to the hallway. 

"You seem awfully quiet Hermione. What's bothering you?" Harry turned to Hermione, she had that dazed look upon her face again.

"No…nothing's bothering me, I guess I just kinda got used to the new Snape." Harry and Ron laughed. They continued walking toward their room, but were sidetracked with music playing through a hallway. 

"What in the world--" Harry and his friends looked down the hall. It lead to the dungeons.

"Oh no." Hermione said as she took off down the corridor, followed by Harry and Hermione.

"What has Snape done this time?" Hermione continued as the doors to the potions classroom came into view.

"I don't think I want to know." Harry said. Ron said, slowly pushing the doors open to the classroom. They poked their heads in and the first thing they noticed was the soft Chinese type of music playing softly. Then they noticed people spread out randomly throughout the room. Some people were sitting cross-legged and some were lying down on their backs. All of their eyes were closed. Snape was seated in the middle of the class on a huge round pillow they noticed was from the divination classroom. Snape had his eyes closed and his legs crossed. He felt someone watching him so he slowly opened them and smiled when he saw his three, now favorite students in front of him.

"Whoa, hey guy's. Please.." Snape drew in a long breath,

"Join us." Three pillows appeared behind them and they sat down. Not sure of what they were doing, they sat down on them and crossed their legs. Snape reached behind him and brought a pipe up to his lips. He smiled and handed the pipe towards Harry. He took it and looked at it.

"Harry, don't. Smoking is bad for you." Hermione tried to grab the pipe, but Harry moved it away.

"Calm down Hermione." Harry made the motion to hand it back to Snape, but when Hermione relaxed on her pillow he quickly brought it up to his mouth and sucked. He coughed and Ron quickly grabbed it from Harry, then handed it back to Harry. They passed the pipe back and forth, laughing as they did so. Hermione was in shock at what she had just witnessed and looked at Snape. He just sat on his pillow with a stupid grin on his face. Ron handed Hermione the pipe. 

"No way!" She shouted. Ron held the pipe in front of her face. She looked at him, then at Harry. They both were sitting there with the stupid grins on their faces.

"Oh, come on Hermione. Don't spoil the fun!" Hermione hesitated before taking the pipe. She looked back at Snape and he smiled at her, she was so lost in the smile she didn't notice bringing the pipe up to her lips and sucking in the succulent fumes. Pretty soon, Harry, Ron and Hermione's world was filled with happiness and laughter.

"Isn't this great?" Snape asked, looking at the three kids sprawled out on the floor on their backs. 

"Yuuuuuuuuup." Hermione giggled and tried to stand up. The floor moved and she sat down.

"Don't stand up." She looked at Ron and Ron nodded.

"I need to use the rest room, who's with me!" Snape stood up and yelled. Harry stood up and a few other kids that were around them stood up also. 

"Let's go!" Snape led the way out of the room.

"Hermione?"

"Yes Ron?"

"What was in that pipe?"

"I'm not suuuuurrre" Hermione started laughing.

"But I'll tell ya, it's some good shit." Ron started laughing too. That was the first time he ever heard Hermione swear.

**************************************

Snape was standing in the boys restroom. He turned to Harry who was standing next to him and laughed.

"This is not a bathroom…it's a urination station…" Harry looked at Snape. Snape blinked.

"I think I'm stoned." Harry laughed. Snape went to wash his hands and laughed even more. Harry hurried over.

"What now?"

"Would you look at that! If you use soap and water, this death mark comes right off!"

"Whoa!" They were amazed. It was gone! Everyone finished and they headed back to the classroom. 

When Snape got back to the middle of the room he looked at Hermione and mouthed 'follow me.' Hermione got up, a little wobbly and held onto Snape's arm for balance. He took her into his office where Snape gave her a soft kiss.

"Professor!" Hermione said, pulling out of the kiss. He leaned in close to her and whispered in her ear.

"I'm gonna bite your neck, drink your blood, throw you on a bed, rip your clothes off, then I'm gonna-"

"SNAPE!" Hermione backed away from him, her face blood red.

"Quit it will you? You're kind of freaking me out."

"Sorry." Snape said. Hermione started laughing.

"What's the matter?"

"I have no idea." Snape smiled and started laughing.

"What are you laughing about?"

"Hehe…you are sooooooo stoned right now."

"OOooooh yeah!" 

*Hey guy's…what did you think of that? It hit me in Music Theory today…'I should make a scene where they all get stoned!' I'll try my hardest to get the next chapter out asap…it's family weekend where the family comes up, so I might not be able to update again for a few days…Hope all of you are doing well out there! Thanks for all of your reviews! 


	6. 6

Getting through airport security was the scarriest thing that had ever happened to poor Ron Weasley. Not to mention Professor Snape insisted that they should all link arms as they walked through the metal detectors.

"Just incase it's some type of portkey." He added.

Hermione and Harry just looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Ron turned Snape's arm down thinking getting sucked off alone would beat going with Snape.

After the battle through security, waiting at the terminal was quite some excitement. Snape pushed his face against the glass windows and watched the air planes back up and take off.

"Weeeee…they're just like birds!…except their bigger…and metal…come to think of it they don't have a beak or claws…you know…they really aren't like---OOO look at that one go! Weeeee!"

Hermione blushed and covered her face with her hands as people looked in their direction. 

"This is not happening, Harry, please tell me this is not happening."

Harry, busy talking to Ron about Quidditch, reached a hand out and squeezed Hermione's shoulder. Ron stole a look out the window and gulped, wondering if flying was more fun than it looked. All of a sudden, he noticed something. He could see out of the window…when before, Snape had prevented him from seeing anything. He reached out and pointed towards the window.

"Wh-where's professor Snape?"

Harry and Hermione blanched as they turned around and saw he was not there.

*******

"Maybe we should split up?"

"No, we might get lost."

"Find a security person to help us look?"

"That might be an option…a last option, but keep it in mind."

"How about if we just leave him and tell Dumbledore he just loved America so much he wanted to stay?"

"HARRY!" Hermione and Ron both shouting in unison.

"What?" Harry shrugged.

"It was just a suggestion." They all sat down, Hermione put her head in her hands and sighed.

"Face it…We've lost him." She threw her hands up and a really loud crash sounded. Harry and Ron's heads snapped in the direction the noise came from.

"or maybe not." Harry said, voice filled with concern and hope. Hermione crained her neck to see better and noticed that two people were off in the distance rolling on the ground, one was dressed in colorful flower print and was carrying a small white poodle, or rather, rolling on the dog. The other person was dressed in black. His chalk white hands were covering the colorful person's face. It took a second before Hermione jumped up and ran over to the two rolling on the ground. Ron and Harry soon followed and was soon helping Hermione pick up the man dressed in black off the person. 

"Snape! What are you doing?" Hermione whispered harshly. He looked at her and back at the person on the ground who Harry and Ron went to help up.

"She had a pimple."

"What?" Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You know…a red dot on her face that, when squeezed, pops and all this cool looking mucus oozes out of it and sometimes--"

Hermione put a hand up on his chest while making a disgusted face.

"That's..enough. I know what a pimple is…why? Why were you doing that?"

"Well..we were talking and I had the urge to pop her pimple because it was so big…and white"

"Still that does not give you a right to--" She faded out. Snape wasn't listening to her, he was looking oddly at her forhead.

"Snape?" She waved a hand in the front of his face. He bounced. Hermione was flat on her back and Snape's hands were over her face. She started waving her hands around, trying to push him off.

"Ron! Harry! Help!" Hermione kept up her side of the battle as Harry and Ron lifted their professor off of her. Snape stood there, head bowed, looking guilty as Ron raced to Hermiones side and helped her sit up.

"What happened Hermione?" Hermione felt her face and on her forehead, she felt a bump…a pimple.

"That bastard." She whispered before she started laughing. Harry looked at Snape before going over to Hermione.

"What?"

Hermione looked up at the two and sighed.

"I had a pimple on my forehead…the lady before me had a pimple also. That's why he attacked us, he can't stand pimples!" Harry and Ron smiled and looked at Snape who was blushing.

~8^)

Hey guys' sorry about that wait…I know you're all anxious to read this…This is all I have right now, as I'm still on break and won't be back in school until this coming Sunday…hopefully I'll be able to get on more and write then. I hope you enjoyed!


	7. 7

They were only on the plane for ten minuets and Snape had already visited the bathroom six times, just to flush the toilet and to play with the cool hand soap/lotion/dryer contraption, he had went through the over head compartments time and time again and had visited the pilot's cabin too many times. The stewardess's already knew Snape by name and Harry, Hermione and Ron all had to battle to get him into his seat and buckle him in so they could take off.

"What does this button do?" Snape looked up and saw an arrangement of buttons overhead. He was about to push one that had a symbol for an air mask on it when Hermione poked him in the side.

"Snape," she said harshly.

"Don't.Touch.Anything."

"aw, come on Hermione…Just once?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing." Snape shrugged, sighed and leaned back in his chair. Pretty soon, the cabin lights dimmed and the plane started moving backwards. Snape, who was lucky enough to sit by the window, pressed his face up against it and started talking real fast.

"Oh look at all the peopleweeeeeeeeeee….Look! Look at the baggage carriersweeeeee! Oh here we goooweeeee!"

Hermione quickly poked him again and Snape shut up. He looked straight ahead and soon the plane was rushing for the end of the runway, faster and faster it went until it was airborne. That's when Snape screamed. He screamed so loud the whole plane was craning their necks to see who was making such a fuss. Hermione and Ron, who had the two seats next to his were leaning towards him.

"Snape? What's wrong?"

Harry, who was sitting across the isle, tried to lean over, but couldn't, since the plane started turning.

"Th..The ground! It's so far down."

Hermione leaned over Snape and looked out the window.

"Snape, you'll be o.k…look, you can see all the cars and houses and everything down there."

Snape leaned towards the window, closing both eyes as he did. Only did he open them when his forehead hit the window.

"Wow…you can."

Hermione nodded and sat back in her chair, she looked at Ron and Harry, biting her lip, not wanting anymore to do with him. Suddenly, they all were forced to jump out of their seats when Snape started screaming again.

"Oh look! There goes a carweeeeee, what's that? A birdweeeeee Oh! What about thatweeeeeee!"

Hermione shrunk down in her seat, covered her face with her hand, which was amazingly white over her rose-red face. 

"Please make it end." She silently begged to herself.

"Make it end now."

*******

They arrived at Denver International Airport to many hours and 'weeeee's' later and Snape had to be pried from his seat.

"I wanna stay here! I don't wanna go!" He begged. After about twenty minuets, they bribed him off by promising him some of that neat dippin' dot's ice cream. He was a little better going through security this time, a little nervous about walking through the metal detectors again, but they made it in one piece.

"Now, Snape…I have an idea." Ron noted as soon as they were waiting for their luggage to come out.

"Ooo, you have an idea?"

"Why don't we play the quiet game?" Ron put his hands behind his back and crossed his fingers, Harry and Hermione bit their tongues, wishing Snape would agree.

"The…Quiet game?"

Ron nodded.

"It's real easy. All you have to do is see which one of us can be the quietist for a day."

Snape gulped.

"That sounds hard"

"Oh come on Snape. The winner get's a…free trip to the zoo." Ron winced, not even wanting to know what Snape was capable of at the zoo.

"The zoo? Well…Alright, I guess." 

"It has to be a whole day…even if you're the last one left in the game, it has to be from now until…" Ron looked at the clock on the wall.

"Ten o'clock tomorrow night." Snape nodded and the game began. Snape didn't say anything. Harry, Hermione and Ron were all looking at each other, a glimmer of hope in their eyes. Maybe Ron had struck a deal with Snape that could possibly save them a migraine for a few hours. Soon, Snape was pulling out paper and a pencil, he started writing, Harry quickly pushed the paper away from the pencil.

"No, no, no. That's cheating." Snape had a glimmer come to his eye and pointed, wide mouthed at Harry.

"What?" Harry asked. Hermione butted in.

"Great going dufous, you talked." She quickly slapped two hands over her mouth. Ron started laughing.

"Well, it looks like you two are out of the game." Hermione and Harry both laughed at Ron and he blushed.

"Oops, I guess I am too." 

They grabbed their luggage off of the luggage rack and took off outside to flag down a taxi, happy that Snape had to be quiet for a whole day.

~8^}

Well! That's that…I hope you all enjoyed this…I know it's short, but it's 2:53 am and I have school later. I need my sleep. Just wanted to give you a quick update. Until then!

Meow!


	8. 8

A/N: I would like to thank all of my wonderful reviewers. I'm so sorry it's taken forever to get this next chapter up, I've gone through writeres block, not to mention obsession with RPGing. It's hard to write a comic Snape, no matter how many weird things you come up with for him to do, some of them just don't sound right. With no further ado, I give you…chapter 8!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything but my imagination. There are no profits made from this except the profit of happiness and laughter. Don't hurt me.

*******

Alright, so maybe the quiet day wasn't such a good idea. Snape had different plans. If he couldn't speak, he simply acted it out. Now…this usually consisted of huge arm movements. Especially when he broke into his 'Big Pink Elephant' song. Hermione never knew how long Snape's arms could get until he used them for the trunk as they sat in the back of a taxi. 

They arrived in Golden. Located at the foothills of Colorado, Harry, Ron and Hermione looked satisfied as they saw it was small enough so Snape wouldn't get into trouble. As they walked down the main street of Golden, Snape stopped and looked at a store. Hermione and Harry stopped and looked in as well, Ron took a few seconds to notice the others had let him walk off. Ron walked back to the others and looked at the sign. Harry's eyes grew wide and looked at Hermione.

"Starbuc--no, Hermione, we can't let him go in there." 

Hermione looked frightened. She started shaking her head and tried to pull Snape away from the door. Ron studied the inside, pushing his nose up against the glass.

"What is…St-Starbucks?" Hermione and Harry both stopped suddenly and looked at Ron. They opened up their mouths to say something to Ron, but were interrupted when two people came walking out with a cup of java. Ron's nose perked up and he dropped his mouth open.

"OOOOOooohh, it's coffee." 

Hermione sighed, rolling her eyes upward and attempted to grab for Snape as he ran into the coffee shop, his mouth moving to say 'coffee coffee coffee coffee' but no sound coming out, as he was still under the game's rules. Hermione looked at Ron.

"Now you've done it." She sighed before turning and going into the café. Harry put his hands on his hips and looked at Ron. Ron shrugged and looked at Harry.

"How was I supposed to know he'd act like that?"

Harry walked up to Ron and hit his forehead.

"You have to think, Ron. Use that brain." Harry flashed a grin before going back inside. Ron scowled, ran a hand through his hair and entered the café. It was a mess. Snape had jumped over the counter and held a spoon up to the cashiers chest.

"You give me coffee or so help me merlin I'll rip your heart out with a SPOON!" The poor cashier's face was twisted in confusion.

"Wh-wh-why a sp-spoon?" He spat out, reaching for coffee grains to smash in Snape's eyes, but was just a few inches short of successfully reaching them.

Snape rolled his eyes.

"Because it'll hurt more you twit!" He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned his head. There was Hermione, holding out a cup of Mocha Frappucino. Snape took it and slammed most of it back in one swig. The frightened cashier took off and ran under one of the tables. A small crowd had formed as Snape tore the place apart, drinking and eating all the coffee grinds he could find. 

*******

She was walking downtown Golden, by herself. She was supposed to meet a friend at Foss Drugs and had to pass by Starbucks to get there. She almost got hit by a car as she glanced in the window and saw a familiar person standing behind the counter, she swung around and pulled open the door. Her glare was cold enough to turn almost everyone to ice, that's when Snape froze. He had a pot of regular up to his lips and his eyes focused on the girl that had just walked in. His hands immediately released the coffee pot and it clattered to the floor, spurting coffee everywhere. Snape looked down and slumped his shoulders.

"Aw, NOW look at what you made me do." He pouted, yet the girl stood strong. She wagged a finger at him and took a step forward.

"Severus. What have I told you about--"

Snape interrupted and pointed at Ron.

"It's all his fault."

Ron's mouth dropped open and he furrowed his brow. Hermione and Ron giggled.

"I had nothing to do with this." Ron protested. The girl looked at the red haired boy and raised an eyebrow, moving towards him in one swift movement. She looked him over, blinking in distaste before looking back at Snape.

"Hanging out with the Weasley's are you now?"

"Gabby…"

"I don't know what has gotten into you. Drinking coffee…you know you can't do that, otherwise--"

Snape's face gathered into a smirk, Hermione moved towards Gabby and whispered.

"Otherwise what?"

Gabby continued on, placing her hands over her face that was growing red. She ignored Hermione and sighed.

"Here it comes."

Hermione looked back at Harry.

"Here comes what?!?" Suddenly the place was filled with Snape's voice, he was singing. 

"Big Pink Elephant,

Ain't what she used to be,

Ain't what he used to be,

Ain't what they used to be,

Big Pink Elephant,

Ain't what they used to be,

Cause the Elephant is a hippo!"

Hermione froze and turned slowly to Snape as the song continued, a look of terror on her face. Harry stood there, not even looking at Snape and Ron stood there, his mouth still open.

"It wasn't my fault" He squeaked. Starbucks closed that night…or rather was destroyed when Snape attempted a hit at a high note to finish the song when all the windows busted and glass shattered. It left a very confused and scared crowd standing.

******************************************************************************************

Well, there ya go I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. It is now 3 am and I'm tired, so I'll quit here and write more later. All idea's welcome. 


	9. 9

After pulling Snape, crying and kicking out of the coffee shop, they rode up to Gabby's house where she explained to Harry, Ron and Hermione how she knew Snape. She was his sisters, cousins, nieces, uncles, fathers, daughter...twice removed.

  
  


Harry and Ron then took turns explaining to Gabby how they had been assigned by their headmaster, Dumbledore to 'fix' Professor Snape. Hermione, still big on her S.P.E.W. beliefs, insisted on helping the house elf's with the tea and cookies that Gabby had offered upon entering her house.

  
  


Snape, who was curled up on the couch in the sun room, sleeping, looked just a little too innocent to be a heartless, cold, smelly, good for nothing, frightfull potions master. they had promised him a new cup of caramel latte as soon as he took a two hour nap. Everyone was relieved as they heard the soft snores of dreamland emitting from the big black lump. Now that they were all calmed down, Harry got to the point. 

  
  


"We think that maybe he could be possessed. Hermione did some reasearch and found out that some cemetaries will help us rid him of...whatever it is he has." Gabby furrowed her brow.

  
  


"Where did she read that? Usually that isn't the case, usually a drop of leech juice mixed with eye of newt works just fin--" She was cut off. Hermione came out of the kitchen, a tray of tea in her hand and she was looking at Gabby.

  
  


"That's only for the first stage. For all we know, by how Snape has been acting lately, he could be in the second or third stage by now."

  
  


"It never hurts to try...could save you time."

  
  


"We'd be waisting our time if it didn't work, wich it won't."

  
  


"Then you're waisting your time now."

  
  


"That's what you think."

  
  


Gabby rolled her eyes and sighed. Ron and Harry exchanged looks before Harry looked to Hermione.

  
  


"It is worth a try, Hermione." Ron added a nod. Hermione snorted and sat the tray down and went back into the kitchen mumbling something about how long it would take to make the potion and not doing it.

  
  


"What's her problem?" Gabby asked. Ron sighed.

  
  


"She's in one of her moods, continue with caution." Ron replied with a smirk. They laughed and continued in catuion, planning the rest of the night.

  
  
  
  
  
  


*******

  
  
  
  
  
  


They reached the cemetary. It was small, yet cozy all in the same. A few trees scattered the soft rolling ground. They had to tread lightly to not wake the people that lived across the street in trailer homes. They scailed the fence, brushing their knees off as they stood from their landing and began to walk to the middle of the cemetary. They only stopped when they heard the voice of their professor, yelling from the cemetary gates.

  
  


"Hey you guys!"

  
  


Harry, Hermione, Gabby and Ron turn in shock.

  
  


"Now's not the time to play Goonies, Severus. Be quite and get over here right now." Gabby pointed a finger sharply beside her, and he winced and climbed to the top of the gate. He went to turn around to work his way down, but his footing slipped and he went for a tumble, the butt of his trousers catching on a pointed rod. Once again, there was a loud scream and the four kids ran to Snape and slapped their hands over his mouth.

  
  


"Shut up!" They yelled in unison, where they got a muffled reply. Snape's eyes showed a bit of humor in them. Hermione, who's hand was the first to cover his mouth, let out a scream and pulled away quickly. 

  
  


"Eeeeewwwww! Snape! You're gross!" She wiped her hand on Ron, who was standing next to her. Ron looked disgusted.

  
  


"I warned you." Stated Snape.

  
  


"Oh yeah? When?" Hermione tilted her head, rubbing her hand on her clothes, her face still screwed up.

  
  


"When you covered my mouth. I simply said 'I'll lick you.'" Snape grinned as he tumbled down from the gate. Hermione glared at him as they all started walking towards the center again. Harry looked around him as they came to a hault in the middle of the cemetary. Tombstone were around them, some with flowers and some without. He tried to squint his eyes to read the names that were engraved on the shiny stone faces. Harry gave up. With the lack of moon light, it was near impossible to see two feet infront of you, not to mention read. They began walking again and Harry only knew where he was going by Snape, who was infront of him. He had started singing an old childern's tune.

  
  


"Have you seen the ghost of John?

Long white bones with the skin all gooooone,

Ooooo ooooo ooo ooo ooo oooooo,

Wouldn't it be chilly with no skin on?"

  
  


It had been his third time through the song before Harry stepped on his heels. Snape stumbled foward and into Hermione. Hermione fell flat on her face, Snape on top of her. Hermione turned around as best she could to see what had happened. As Snape and her eyes met, Hermione felt her cheeks grow bright red before she wiggled out from under Snape. 

  
  


"Hermione? Are you ok?" Ron's voice sounded out and went foward to help Hermione up. 

  
  


"Yes...yes, I'm fine...thank you." Hermione's eyes were still connected with Snape as Ron helped her up and only broke away at the sound of Gabby's pushy and hushed voice.

  
  


"Stop lolling! We need to get moving before someone hears us and we get caught."

  
  


Hermione looked up and nodded. Snape stood up, brushing off his knees and Gabby spoke again after a few more steps.

  
  


"Now, Harry, you go over there, Hermione, stay where you are, Ron between Harry and Hermione and Snape, you in the middle." Gabby's fingers were busy pointing as she set them up in a squarish-circle. There was a rush of feet as they went to their assigned spots. Harry, starting to feel a dull pain in his forehead, grabbed his head and quietly hissed, hoping no one would notice. But, as it always did, Ron, who was walking amongst the others, opened his eyes wide and looked at Harry.

  
  


"Harry? What's wrong?"

  
  


"I-it's nothing..." Harry lied.

  
  


"I just stubbed my toe...that's all." Hermione bit her lip as she knew what was going on. Gabby cleared her throat dismissing the fact that Harry stubbed his toe. 

  
  


"Shall we get started?" The others hesitantly nodded and Snape walked around in circl3es, eyeing the hole that was in the butt of his pants, due to the fall only minuets before. 

  
  


"Spirits from the north, protect us and guide us through this transformation and help us rid the evil entity that resides in this man."

  
  


Harry tried to concentrate on Gabby's words, but the now constant tingle of hell pounded his forehead, although he wasn't quite sure that the pain meant that Voldemort was nearby; There had been a constant bickering coming from Hermione. Even though she had been two people away from him, he could still hear her whispers of 'I should be saying this...I thought of it...My idea, re-mem-ber?'

  
  


Ron must have heard her also because of the elbow that was jammed into her side that belonged to him. She shut up and stared at the ground.

  
  


"Spirits from the south, send away those who wish to harm--"

  
  


A rush of freezing air made Gabby stop talking. Harry grabbed his forehead as his knees gave out, making the pain in his forehead sting even more. A deep , hoarse, laugh drifted over the cold and cracked tombstones, into the circle. Snapes eyes widened as a small and weak "uh-oh" sounded from him. Hermione bit her lip again, as her and Ron exchanged looks.

  
  


"What's going on? Harry? Are you alright?" A completely clueless Gabby asked. Harry looked up with a dumbfounded pain in his eyes.

  
  


"You should get out of here." He managed to say as he pressed a hand tightly to his forehead. Snape who had gone awfully quite suddenly pulled up his left sleeve and gawked at his arm.

  
  


"Whoa!"

  
  


Hermione, looking at Snape's arm, hesitantly asked, "what's wrong?"

"That's odd." Snape looked at Hermione, holding his arm up for her to see the thick, black, distinctive outline of a skull with a mean looking serpant coming grotesquelly out of it's mouth.

  
  


"I could have sworn that I washed that off."

  
  


Hermione made an aggrivated noise and Ron grabbed her arm.

  
  


"Stand back Hermione..." Ron gulped, his eyes glued to Snapes mark.

  
  


"...He could get dangerous." Hermione took a step back behind Ron, heeding his words, her eyes moving to Gabby who still looked clueless, then over to Harry who was now trying to stand.

  
  


"Harry?" Hermione's voice was concerned.

  
  


"Go back to Gabby's house...send an owl--" Harry didn't get to finish. The harsh cold laughter returned even stranger and louder than last time and sent a shiver down everyone's spine. Snape snorted, studdying Harry.

  
  


"What's he laughing about? The kid's hurt, that's no laughing matter." 

  
  


"I'm mearly laughing, Severus, because he's fallen into our trap." A voice, even colder than the laugh echoed through the cemetary. Snape jumped. He turned violently a few times before freezing like a deer that was caught in headlights of a muggle vehicle.

  
  


"Who said that? How do you know my name?"

  
  


"You can stop acting now, Severus. You have followed the directions clearly."

  
  


Hermione and Ron stared blankly at Snape. Harry stood straight, wincing to the now dull throb in his head.

  
  


"Act?" Harry asked. Snape looked at Harry and shrugged. Gabby stepped foward and stood next to Snape. The voice spoke again.

  
  


"Well, well. Gabrielle. Long time no see. Tell me, how is life in exile doing?" 

  
  


Gabby flinched as the word exile flew by.

  
  


"It's an extended suspension, My Lord."

  
  


"Right. Well, as it seems your job is done, you may leave. My battle is with Potter."

  
  


But Harry, who was still starring at Snape, tilted his head. He was confused. Was his professor just putting on an act to get him to become vulnerable?  


"What's going on Professor Snape?" Snape once again looked at Harry and shrugged.

  
  


"My patience is running low. Leave now." The voice sounded mad. Gabby turned on cue and began to walk off, yelling 'Let's Go' behind her as she walked. She stopped to look at who was following, but seeing no one trailing behind her, she turned to watch. As she turned there was a loud boom that shook the ground that knocked everyone off their feet. 

  
  


"He's angry." Snape said, crawling to hide behind a large tombstone. Hermione and Ron crawled next to Harry and drew their wands. Gabby fell and hit her head on the side of a rock and passed out.

  
  


"For years I have waited for this moment." The voice said, there was a slight fog that made it harder to see anything. Harry squinted again, stainding in unison with Hermione and Ron, wands held out. Harry could see a slight disturbance in the fog ahead of him. 

  
  


"What moment?" Harry asked. Ron, Hermione and Harry started walking in a slow circle, ready to fight.

  
  


"You, a few of your closest friends and me. Alone. No Hoggwarts to save you, no weapons to use. You can watch your friends die before I kill you. And this time, I will not fail." There was a sudden movement and Ron had been picked up by the front of his shirt. Harry saw a big thick black cloak holding Ron. Pressing Ron's back up against a tree. Hermione gasped and waved her wand, speaking quickly.

  
  


"Stupify!" 

  
  


But nothing happened. The spell backfired and Hermione landed flat on the ground, a shocked expression stuck on her face and her body rigid. The voice laughed, looking over his shoulder, Ron struggling to look also.

  
  


"Stupid Mudblood. My cloak is spell-proof."

  
  


Harry glared at him, resisting the urge to hit him with all the hexes and curses he knew and clentched his wand tighter in his hand instead. The Dark Lord breathed out his mouth and onto Ron's face. His breath started clear, but turned into a cloud, thick and olive green. Harry watched as Ron's eyes rolled into the back of his head and his body went limp. Harry now half shocked, half scared, swallowed and held his wand hand higher.

  
  


"That was too easy." The Dark Lord said, letting Ron fall to the ground and turned around to face Harry. Snape jumped up and cheered.

  
  


"OH WOW! That was amazing! Can you teach me how to do that? Please? Please? I'd love to do that!"

  
  


The cloak turned to face Snape and in a pathetic tone he spoke.

  
  


"All in good time." He turned back to Harry.

  
  


"I'll tell you what. How about we rid our wands and fight like men?"

Harry laughed lightly.

  
  


"You've got to be kidding me." He mumbled.

  
  


"What was that?" The voice asked taking a step closer. Harry sucked in a breath as his scar sent him a warning pain. Harry cleared his throat and shook his ehad.

  
  


"You'd smash me."

  
  


"Ah, so you know my plan then. I'll give you the first hit..." He stepped closer and lowered his hood, throwing his wand aside. Harry stared in the dull grey eyes of Voldemort. Harry took in a breat. For once he was out of ideas and had begun to wonder why Dumbledore had sent him on this quest in the first place instead of going himself.

  
  


"Anytime you're ready Potter." He said. Voldemort stood, hands behind his back, ready for the blow, his face content. Harry furrowed his brow and gathered his strenght, not seeing any other way out of this and kicked. His foot connected with Vildemort's knee and a loud sickining sound happened. Voldemort went down with a grunt.

  
  


"You bastard! You broke my knee, that was not part of our plan."

  
  


Harry went to answer, but went silent as Snape jumped around cheering.

  
  


"Ra Ra Ree Kick him in the knee! Ra Ra Rass kick him in the---"

  
  


"Shut up!" Harry and Voldemort screamed. Snape stood still and bit his lip.

  
  


Harry glared and turned to look at Voldemort. The sunken eyes and the pale face told Harry this was going to be one long night.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


******* Wow, long time no write, eh? Well, Here's a chapter, I hope you all like it! I'm soooooooo sorry for not writing. Snape insisted I move out, so I did and just got setteled in. Please, R&R! And keep in tune, there's more to come.


	10. 10

Voldemort stood slowly on one leg, obviously annoyed with Snape, but his eyes stayed on Harry. After a second of thought, Voldemort jumped and landed on top of Harry. Harry pushed up with all his might, trying to shove Voldemort off of him. It wasn't working. Voldemort stayed on top of Harry, staring into Harry's eyes wildly.

  
  


"How doesn't it feel to be powerless?" Voldemort asked, his voice scratchy and filled with revenge. 

"I'm not sure." Harry replied, giving the hardest shove he could with his legs, successfully getting Voldemort to tumble sideways.

"I'll let you know when I am."

  
  


Voldemort grunted and fought to get his hands around Harry's skinny neck, Snape jumped up again.

  
  


"Woo-hoo!"

  
  


Voldemort's fingers made contact with Harry's skin. Harry twisted his arms up, pushing to get to Voldemort's face. Snape jumped more.

  
  


"Come on Harry! Go Voldemort! Hit him! Sock him! Poke him back!"

  
  


Harry and Voldemort froze and turned to Snape, shouting in unison once again.

  
  


"SHUT UP!"

  
  


Snape bowed his head.

  
  


"It won't happen again."

  
  


Harry took the moment as a great opportunity and made a fist, pulled it back and swung, connecting with the side of Voldemorts nose. Voldemort got thrown off balance, grabbing for his nose, staring once again at Harry. He took his hands down from his nose and looked at the amount of blood on his fingers. He laughed and Snape winced.

  
  


"Good one Potter." Voldemort took a step forward, but Harry moved quickly and punched again, hitting Voldemort's nose once more. Voldemort stumbled backwards a bit. Snape hissed a 'yesssssss' quietly to himself and watched in anticipation. Voldemort had closed his eyes. A second hit in the nose caused him to see double. Harry quickly looked a few steps beside him where he saw Hermione, the same stunned expression on her face and her wand in her outstretched hand. His eyes lingered on her wand for a split second before over behind Voldemort where Ron lay motionless on the ground. He looked back at Voldemort, but was thrown off track when Voldemort ran into him, pushing him back into a tree. Harry let out a grunt as his back slammed up against the trunk of the tree. Voldemort pressed his hands tightly against Harry's shoulders.

  
  


"Take one last look at your friends, Potter, it's the last you're going to see of them."

  
  


"Why's that?" Harry tried kicking his feet, but Voldemort resisted harder.

  
  


"Because now's the time when I kill you." He hissed.

  
  


Snape cheered and Harry looked over, still struggling.

  
  


"Who's side are you on?" Harry asked, sounding hurt. Voldemort laughed. Snape shrugged.

  
  


"Whoever's winning." Snape state simply. Harry blinked. He still couldn't figure him out. Snape seemed to think the opposite of everything he was used to thinking, and now all he did was stand there and watch Harry struggle.

  
  


"Thank you for your Support, Severus." Voldemort spoke as he turned back to Harry. Harry went limp, running out of ideas, the pain in his head coming back slowly but surely. 

  
  


"Say your last words, Harry."

  
  


'Last words' Harry thought. He blinked again and looked at Snape. Snape looked back at Harry and Harry's faith felt more at ease. Harry looked back at Voldemort and spoke loudly.

  
  


"Big Pink Elephant."

  
  


"Voldemort looked confused, but before he could make another move, Snape started singing.

  
  


"Big pink elephant,

ain't what she used to be,

ain't what he used to be,

ain't what they used to be,

Big pink elephant,

ain't what they used to be

cause Elephant is a hippo!"

  
  


Voldemort, now looking quite confused, turned to Snape, still keeping hold of Harry.

  
  


"Where did that come from?"

  
  


Harry felt a grasp of accomplishment as Voldemort got confused and he started singing it again. Snape joined in once more and as the song went on, Snape started to dance. Voldemort screwed up his sunken face taken aback by it all.

  
  


"What has gotten into you Severus?"

  
  


But that didn't stop Harry's and Snape's singing...or dancing for that matter. Voldemort watched in horror of what his best Death Eater was doing. He turned back to Harry, determined not to let Snape's craziness to hit him, but Harry was singing along with him. Voldemort dropped Harry and stepped back, afraid.

  
  


"Stop it." Voldemort ordered. Harry kept on singing and Snape, who was in his own little world was too busy singing to notice anything. Voldemort started twitching. 

  
  


"Good Lord, don't you know any other song you could have gotten him singing?" 

  
  


Harry stood straight and stopped singing. A look of power on his face and he asked Voldemort.

  
  


"Tell me, how does it feel to be powerless?"

  
  


Voldemort tried to speak, but couldn't get his voice above Snape's inconsistent singing, started to twitch so bad with annoyance, that he exploded into thin air. Harry slumped to the ground. Snape sang on, oblivious to what had just happened. Harry looked over to Snape.

  
  


"Snape."

  
  


"Ain't what she used to be..."

  
  


"Snape,"

  
  


"Ain't what he used to be..."

  
  


"SNAPE!" Harry screamed, making Snape jump. He quit singing and looked around.

  
  


"Where'd freaky guy go?"

  
  


"You annoyed him so much he left."

  
  


"Oh."

  
  


Harry stood grabbing his wand and went over to Hermione. Snape stood by his side. 

  
  


"Finite Incantitum!" He said, wand in Hermione's direction. There was a shot of light and Hermione gulped in a breath of air as she came back with life.

  
  


"Where is he...let me at him...don't stop me Harry...I'll get him...I'll bring him down Harry...I swear I'll kill him, Harry...Harry? Harry? Where is he?"

  
  


Hermione stood, grabbing onto Snape and Harry to help her stand.

  
  


"He's gone."

  
  


"Gone?"

  
  


"Yes, Gone. Snape's to think for that one."

  
  


Hermione looked oddly at Snape.

  
  


"Snape? How?"

  
  


"We sang one of his favorite songs." Harry started to walk over to Ron.

  
  


"Snape's favorite song?"

  
  


"Yes." Harry stopped as he came to Ron's side. He knelt down beside Ron and gave him a shake. Hermione studied Snape once more and went to stand by Harry, wincing as she saw Ron.

  
  


"Is he ok?"

  
  


"I hope so. Help me move him.."

  
  


Harry started to grab his shoulders, Hermione bent down and grabbed his feet. They began walking to the gate again, Snape picking up Gabby as they walked. 

  
  


"We need to get them to Pomfrey."

  
  


Harry said as they maneuvered everyone over the fence.

  
  


"How?" Hermione asked, following Snape over the fence and landing with a soft grunt.

  
  


"Easily." Harry stepped up to the corner and held his wand out. There was a loud bang and the Knight Bus appeared. They boarded, Snape in awe. Harry collapsed on his assigned bed, watching the others, anxious to get back to Hogwarts, but not looking forward to the disappointment of not getting Snape back to normal.

  
  
  
  
  
  


*******Ok guys! I'm not the best with fight scenes and yes this was supposed to be cheesy. Hope you liked it...tune in next time for ((dun dun dun dun)) the conclusion ((ooooooooooooo))*******


	11. AN:

Hey guys, I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long, my life went to hell for a few weeks, but it's slowly getting back on track. I have written more than half of the last chapter, I should have it up the next chance I get to be around a computer with the internet and a writing program. It shouldn't be too long and I shall hope you enjoy it fully! Thank you all for reviewing, they helped me a lot through those few tough weeks. Keep it up!

  
  


-Jennie


	12. 11

  
  


Harry hung on for his dear life as the Knight Bus started making it's bumpy ride come to a stop. It wasn't until he could see the streets of Hogsmeade, he started to regret calling on the Knight Bus as their transportation back to Hogwarts. For as the bus was slowing down, there was a ruckus of the people on board screaming. Hermione, standing behind the driver, pointing with one hand and covering half her face with her other was among the screaming.

  
  


"WATCH OUT! THE BOY! CAN'T YOU SEE HIM, YOU'RE GOING TO HIT THE BOY!" 

  
  


In which the driver replied,

  
  


"Back behind the yellow line, miss."

  
  


Snape, who had been jolted awake from falling to the ground after one harsh turn too many, sat staring out a window and yelling an all too familiar 'weeeeeee.' Harry's head hurt. Not from his scar, but from having to listen to this. He glanced over at Ron, who was still passed out and wished that he, himself, could be in the same position. A break would be nice. He noticed Gabby was starting to stir, yet she kept her eyes closed, feining sleep. He was thrown foward and landed with a thud as the bus stopped completely. It was then he heard Hermione shreik, so loudly, he felt sorry for whomever would have to be by her side as she was going through labor. 

  
  


"Open the door!" The boy! You hit him!"

"Behind the yellow line."

"Open the door."

"Yellow line."

  
  


Hermione let out a small growl and as soon as she stepped behind the yellow line, the doors opened and she was outside in a flash. Harry stood up and wobbled a bit as he looked around the bus. Snape had his face pressed against the window.

  
  


"Professor? Are you alright?" Harry asked. Snape turned his head sideways, his nose quite smashed and a bit out of shape...or in shape if anyone should dare say. It was no longer hooked, nor did it have the noticible bump in the middle of it, but rather, it was straight and thin. Snape nodded. 

  
  


"Yes, I'm fine."

  
  


Harry tried not to giggle as Snape's eyes went wide. It had seemed that the straightening of Snape's nose had not only changed his appearance, but his voice as well. He didn't have a deep silky and sultry voice with any hint he was a feared teacher that enjoyed torturing kids. Instead, it sounded like someone had clamped his nostrils closed. Harry just nodded and turned around, stepping off the bus to check on Hermione. 

  
  


As he stepped off the bus, Hermione had her arms around his waist and her head burried in his shoulders.

  
  


"Mione?" Harry asked, trying the best he could to comfort her. Hermione brought her head up and looked at Harry. Her eyes were red and glossy. 

  
  


"They killed him, Harry." Harry swallowed and looked around. He couldn't see any sign of who had been hit and looked back at Hermione.

  
  


"Who?"

"They killed Kenny." Harry sighed, he remembered meeting Kenny a few weeks before Snape's first class with his problem. 

  
  


"Oh dear." Was the only thing Harry could say as a crowd of Hogwarts students started to gather around. The crowd was pushed apart a mere few seconds later as Professor McGonnagal made herself known.

  
  


"Move aside, move aside!" McGonnagal's eyes met with Kenny's lifeless body and her jaw dropped. She shot her eyes upward to the bus and before anyone could say "Transfiguration," She had lept onto the bus and was now having a heated conversation with the driver. The crowd slowly dispursed leaving Harry and Hermione standing there alone.

  
  


"I tried to warn him." Hermione let out a deep sigh. Harry rubber a shoulder to comfort her.

  
  


"Shhh, Hermione it's going to be alright. I'm sure Madam Pomfrey has a few good tricks up her sleeve." 

  
  


Hermione sniffed once more and pulled away just as McGonnagal was stepping off the bus. She looked at the two and gave them a look to follow her. Professor Snape stepped off the bus after McGonnagal, nose back to normal, and they all started the short walk back to Hogwarts.

  
  
  
  
  
  


*******

  
  
  
  
  
  


The moonglow that lit the infirmary by the glass windows standing side by side along the walls, gave Ron's skin an even more sickly look than what he already showed. His red hair, a disgusting contrast against his soft light green skin did him no good either. Hermione sat in a wooden chair by the side of his bed. Harry stood, looking out a window that faced the Quidditch pitch. He sighed and Hermione glanced over.

  
  


"A sickle for your thoughts?" 

  
  


Harry didn't move his eyes from the pitch. He took in a slow and deep breath and held it in. Hermione tilted her head and asked again.

  
  


"Harry?" 

"Hmmmm?...oh, uuhh, it's nothing."

  
  


Hermione cleared her throught.

  
  


"Harry." She didn't sound too convinced. Harry stood still again and took in a short breath.

"What?" 

"Harry." 

  
  


There was now a testing edge in her voice. Harry sighed once more and closed his eyes. He didn't feel like talking at the moment.

  
  


"What?"

"Ha-"

"You're beginning to wear my name out 'Mione." Harry turned anad opened his eyes looking back at Hermione. She shrank back into her chair slightly, keeping eyes with Harry.

  
  


"Well, if you'd just talk to me..."

"Talk? Talk?! I'm sick of talking at the moment..."

  
  


Hermione held her hands up protectively.

  
  


"You must have something that you want to get out, I'm just allowing you the chance."

  
  


Harry let out a breath and looked down at the ground. There was something that ran through his bones. An itch that needed to be scratched. He looked up at Ron and looked over his shoulder, out the window once again before looking back at Hermione.

  
  


"You have no idea." Harry answered as he headed out the infirmary doors. Hermione stood up and watched him leave, curious of where he was going. She jumped when she heard a faint 'That was close' come from behind her. She turned quickly and her eyes widdened at the sight of Ron, his eyes slightly opened and a familiar goofy grin on his face.

  
  


"It seemed like he was going to blow up again..." But his quiet and weak voice was drowned out by Hermione screaming..

  
  


"Ron! Madam Pomfrey! Madam Pomfrey! He's awake! Ron's awake!" 

  
  


It took a few seconds before Madam Pomfrey was heard, hustling out of her office. She was carrying a tray filled with assorted bottles and a tall glass of water.

  
  


"Oh, Miss Granger, don't you think you should be in bed by now?"

  
  


Hermione shook her head.

  
  


"I'm not that tired."

"But you must be exhausted...you need your sleep, dear."

  
  


Hermione took a moment before nodding finally and tried to surpress a yawn. Madam Pomfrey smiled and handed her a blue bottle off of the tray.

  
  


"Here. Dreamless sleep potion. Go, get your rest." Pomfrey put the tray down and pointed Hermione towards the door.

  
  


"I can assure you, Mr. Weasley will be up and ready by tomorrow's breakfast."

  
  


Hermione left with one last look at Ron. She walked fast back to her common room, ready for a good nights sleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  


*******

  
  
  
  
  
  


Harry walked out onto the quidditch pitch. He breathed in the chilly night air and felt every muscle in his body relax. His broom was gripped tightly between his fingers and he mounted it, pushing off from the ground and rising into the night sky quickly. The cool air rushed through his hair and brushed against his face, numbing it to where his cheeks turned red and his eyes watered. He pulled out of his accent and took a sharp left, urging the broom to fly faster and went into a spiral. Suddenly stopping, Harry went into a snose dive and headed startight for the hard ground beneath him. Harry hesitated about pulling his broom up until the very last minuet and skimmed parallel the ground. He heard a light gasp that made him bring his broom to a hault and he looked over the stands. No one was in the stands, but he felt a pressence behind him. He turned and saw the familiar white beard and twinkling eyes that belonged to Professor Dumbledore. Harry dismounted his broom quickly.

  
  


"Professor Dumbledore..." He sounded startled.

"Professor, I was just about to go in..."

  
  


Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he looked at Harry and he smiled.

  
  


"No need to appologize, you've had a confusing couple of days."

"No kidding." Harry mumbled. Dumbledore tilted his head and smiled a bit. He walked over to a sideline bench and stood beside him.

  
  


"Argus caught your father out here many a time, flying around after hours."

"Really?"

Dumbledore nodded. 

  
  


"Usually before a final or big game. He said it helped to relax him."

  
  


Harry stayed quiet, his eyes wide, trying to imagine his fathers moves on the field. Dumbledore took a deep breath before standing. 

  
  


"Well, Harry, you should try to get some sleep tonight."

"I'll be inside in a few."

  
  


Dumbledore nodded once more and walked back to the castle. Harry studdied the sky and sighed before putting his broom away and walked back inside.

  
  
  
  
  
  


*******

  
  
  
  
  
  


"You know, it's fun to say poop." Severus stated with a grin. Minerva let out an exasparated sigh and looked at Pomfrey.

  
  


"Poppy, please do something, I've had-" 

"POOP!"

"-quite enough for today."

  
  


Pomfrey rushed over to the potions cabinet, but was startled by a boy that came through the infirmary doors and had bumped into her. She turned, putting her hands on her hips.

  
  


"Fred Weasley, what on earth are you doing out of bed at this hour?"

"I'm George-" He was soon pushed further in by Fred, following close behind. Fred answered her question.

  
  


"Hermione came in and told us that our little Ronnikins was awake."

  
  


George looked around and spotted Ron's bed, he patted Fred's arm and headed over. Fred excused himself and followed. They were stopped by Profesr Snape.

  
  


"Georgie Porgie and....Fred!"

"Hi professor." They answered in unison.

"Tell me, what do you think of the word 'poop?'"

George and Fred started to laugh. Minerva looked at the boys with a weary eye before she started to talk.

  
  


"Fred, George, even though I understand-"

"I mean everyone poops."

"-Your need to see your brother-"

"I poop."

"-But he's still not well, it would be best if-"

"Merlin knows Minerva poops too."

"You go.....POPPY! MEDICINE!! NOW!!!"

  
  


George and Fred smirked and Poppy, who seemed to forget about the medicine the first time, rushed back over to the medicine cabinet. Fred rushed over as well and stood between Poppy and the cabnet, his hands in his pockets.

  
  


"I'll advise you to move, Mr. Weasley." 

"I'm only offering you my help."

"You'll help me to move."

"I'll tell you what..." 

  
  


Fred turned, taking his hands out of his pockets and opened the cabnet doors and grabbed a blue bottle.

  
  


"...I'll give him the potion, you just sit back and relax."

"Mr. Weasley-"

"No no, I insist." 

  
  


Fred stepped past Pomfrey before she had another word to say and walked over to Snape. Pomfrey watched and McGonnagal tapped her foot and crossed her arms.

  
  


"This is your final warning, don't make me take points, boys." 

  
  


George looked at McGonnagal.

  
  


"Professor, trust us, we're professionals."

  
  


McGonnagal rolled her eyes and watched as Fred gave Snape a bit of the potion. It took a while before Snape's eyes closed and soft snores were heard.

  
  


"Oh thank Merlin." McGonnagal praised as the word 'poop' vanished from the room. Poppy gave a sigh of relief as well.

  
  


"Actually, you should be thanking me, professor. Merlin had no part in this."

"Don't be a smart arse, Weasley. Two points from Gryffindor."

"You can take as many points as you wish, professor, but I still saved you from Snape's 'poop' wrath."

  
  


Mc Gonnagal opened her mouth to reply, but both twins had already raced over to Ron's bedside and had started a soft conversation with him. Pomfrey had joined her side.

  
  
  
  


"Don't worry, Minerva. They'll be fine. I'll keep an eye on them, send them to bed in an hour or so." 

  
  


Minerva stared at Poppy for a second before just shaking her head and leaving silently.

  
  
  
  
  
  


*******

  
  
  
  
  
  


Snape was in a cave. A dim light from an unknown source lit the room, making the Fools Gold that was embedded in the cave's walls shimmer with a happiness that brought a nautious feeling to Snape's stomach. 

  
  


"You need to return young grasshopper."

  
  


Snape turned quickly and his nose wrinkled with confusement as he came face to face with air.

  
  


"What the-"

"Down here you idiot."

  
  


Snape looked down and saw an odd figgure. It had the body of a wrinkled midget that reminded him of Hoggle, a character in a muggle movie he had once seen. What was even odder was that his head, accented by his overly-large ears was also a character from a muggle movie he once saw a long time ago...Yoda.

  
  


"Oh..."

There was a moment of silence before the thing talked again.

  
  


"You are ready to escape this dream and return to the world where you belong."

"Huh?"

"Severus, listen to me. You cannot use your Schwartz in this land of Oz."

"You're out of your mind. Are you insinuating that I need to get laid?"

"You poor sould, don't you remember a thing?"

"About what?"

  
  


Snape watched as the thing sadly shook his head.

  
  


"You are Professor Snape. The most feared Professor of all those not in Slythern at Hogwarts."

  
  


Snape grinned. 

  
  


"Indeed."

"And you forgot something else."

"What might that be?"

"Severus...I am your father."

  
  


Snape looked shocked.

  
  


"You lie!"

"Try me."

"I'll cut your heart out with a spoon and match it with mine."

"Ah, but why a spoon?" Snape sneered, this Yoda thing was dumb.

"Because it'll hurt more you twit!"

  
  


The thing gulped and Snape sneered. He still had it, the power to scare.

  
  


"Well, it's been great to converse with you, but you must be leaving."

  
  


Snape opened his mouth to protest, but felt his body being shaken. He closed his eyes for a second.

  
  


When he opened them he found himself in the infirmary. Pomfrey was looking at him and he jumped back.

  
  


"Severus, it's alright."

"What happened?"

"You were asleep."

  
  


Severus sighed before looking around.

  
  


"Poppy? What am I doing in the infirmary?"

"You don't remember, do you?"

"Now, if I were to remember, why would I be asking?"

Poppy waited for a second, catching the hint that he was no longer his goofy self, but back to the old, grouchy, Professor Snape. When she went to answer, all she came out with was...

  
  


"You hit your head."

"When?"

"A few weeks ago."

  
  


Snape stood and looked out the window. It was daylight and he tried to think about the last week. Nothing came to mind and he turned around. He looked over the beds and noticed a familiar red head awake and looking at him.

  
  


"Having a staring problem Mr. Weasley?"

  
  


Ron shook his head.

  
  


"No Professor."

"Then quit gawking."

  
  


Ron obidently snapped his head towards an opposite wall. Madam Pomfrey stared at Snape as she went over to Ron and put a hand on his forehead.

  
  


"How are you feeling?"

"Much better."

  
  


Poppy nodded and stood straight.

  
  


"Well, if you feel well enough to be hungry, you may go get dressed. Breakfast starts in a few minuets."

  
  


Ron nodded and stood, he avoided eye contact with Snape, also sensing that Snape was back to normal and left for the Great Hall with curiosity.

  
  


"What happened to him? No, no, let me guess." Snape laughed and sucked air in, looking at Pomfrey with an amused expression.

  
  


"His wand blew up again."

"Severus, why don't you go have a cup of coffee. There's a lot of explaining to do, well have a meeting after breakfast and explain it all to you."

  
  


Severus didn't have a chance to reply due to Pomfrey pushing him out the infirmary doors and closing them as he stepped out of the room.

  
  
  
  
  
  


*******

  
  
  
  
  
  


The breakfast hall was as loud and busy as it usually was. Harry, Hermione, George and Fred were sitting together, silently. Ron soon came up and sat beside Hermione causing a bunch of people to notice and a whole bunch of welcome backs and gossip to spread about why Ron had been in the infirmary. 

  
  


"Ron!" Hermione was screaming again as she threw her arms around his neck and gave him a hug. Ron smiled and tried to reach for a muffin that was sitting infront of him.

  
  


"Hello 'Mione. Hey guys." He nodded around the table. Fred and George smiled at Ron.

"And how was the rest of your night in the infirmary?" George asked.

"Ah, quiet, counted the tiles in the celing...Alright, I guess....Snape's back to normal."

  
  


Harry and Hermione exchanged looks and Fred and George just kept smiling. 

  
  


"You mean, just like that?" Hermione snapped her fingers. Ron nodded. They were too busy to hear Fred and George whispering across the table to each other as Ron continued talking.

  
  


"Yes, Fred gave him some sleeping potion, he was knocked out until right before Madam Pomfrey let me leave."

  
  


"Hang on.." Harry tilted his head feeling something that didn't feel right.

"Why did Fred give him the potion and not Madam Pomfrey?" His question caused Ron and Hermione to also start wondering and they all quickly looked at Fred. 

  
  


"What did you do?" Hermione asked, her eyes changing between them both, George happily spoke up.

  
  


"Oh, alright alright, we wern't going to tell anyone, but it's one of our new products." George paused and Fred continued talking, a smile on his face as well.

  
  


"We found out that if you switched the ingrediants around in the potion he was having us whip up-"

  
  


"A whole new theme of a potion took place." George finished nicely. Hermione growled and spoke slowly and quietly, obviously trying to keep her cool.

  
  


"You mean to tell us that we were doing all that work just to find out what was wrong with Snape for all that time and for NOTHING!?! That you had the solution all this time and never once helped us?!?" Harry and Ron were holding Hermione back from having her stand up to yell. Fred and George nodded and answered innocently...

  
  


"You never asked us if we had a solution."

  
  


Hermione growled and tried to jump over the table, Harry had a hold of one arm and Ron had a hold of the other. Fred and George had jumped back a little, almost falling out of their seat and ready to run when the doors to Great Hall opened with a bang and the inside went quiet. Hermione sat down immediately and Fred and George straightened up as a dark billowly figgure found it's way through the tables and up to the head staff table. Professor Snape was indeed feeling back to his normal self. As he sat hastilly in his chair, Harry looked over at Fred and George and whispered.

  
  


"You're in for some detention time after he finds out who had done this." Fred and George tore their eyes off of the Professor and looked back at Harry. George laughed lightly and shook his head.

  
  


"Our dear Hary, detention is the least of our concerns." 

  
  


After a while, the Great Hall went back to being loud. Up at the teachers table, Madam Trelawney was studdying Snape with a great intrest. She lightly tapped his shoulder after a while and pointed to the coffee cup in which he was staring.

  
  


"You know, you can't quite see your future as clear in coffee...perhaps if you tried a glass of water...."

  
  


She took said coffee cup away and pushed a glass of water infront of him.

  
  


"That should be more clear for you." 

  
  


Snape slowly turned his head and looked at the overdone professor and sneered. He surely wasn't in the mood and answered simpily, recalling his dream he had just a few hours ago...

  
  


"You know, Sybil, You're like Yoda...but dumb." He stood, nodding his head as politely as he could and walked out of the hall, heading to where he can relax and gather everything before he had to teach class in the morning.

  
  
  
  


***********

  
  


Yay! It's finished! *jumps for joy* Thank you to all who reviewed! I love each and every one of you. Hope you liked this ending...well, Mandy, my roomie is bitting me ass to get going, so.....Love Peace and bullet-proof marshmallows,

  
  


Jennie!


End file.
